


Loving you wasn't easy

by PhoebeDW



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Clexa, F/F, Fighter Lexa, Fluff, broken Lexa, comforting Lexa, comforting clarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2018-08-29 01:24:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8470285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoebeDW/pseuds/PhoebeDW
Summary: After Costia's death Lexa was so broken she told herself that love was weakness and could never love again. Since then Lexa became more distant to everyone around her, she always lived with her parents but they died in a car crash so she had to move in with her cousin Anya. There she meets the beautiful blonde named Clarke who turns her world upside down. Will she ever be able to love again?





	1. Chapter 1

Summer vacation is over. It’s their last year of school, Octavia and Raven are waiting outside for Clarke, who is late as always. “Clarke your friends are waiting hurry up!” Abby yelled.

  


“I’m almost ready mom!” Clarke ran downstairs almost tripping over her own feet, she took her backpack said goodbye and went outside.

  


“Goodmorning, Clarke” Raven and Octavia said in unison. “Goodmorning. Summer went by way to fast. How was your holiday?” Clarke asked. “Great do you remember Lincoln, that guy from last year? We went out a few times.” Octavia squeeked in happiness. “Omg that’s awesome we are happy for you O, Lincoln is a nice guy.” Clarke said and Raven nodded in agreement.“And how are things with Anya, Raven?” Octavia asked. “We are taking things slow but everything is great.” “Why is she not here she always goes with us? Octavia asked confused. “She told me that her cousin moved in with her in her new apartment and she didn’t want to leave her alone, she is also coming to our school, she’s in the same year like us but that’s all I know.” Raven explained. “I didn’t even now she has a cousin.” Clarke said. “Me neither but we will see, the more the merrier.” Raven said. Octavia and Clarke both agreed. Soon they arrived at school and received their timetable.

  


On the way to their first class they bumped into Anya and her cousin. “Hey guys, this is my cousin Lexa, Lexa this is Raven, Octavia and Clarke.” “Hey Lexa nice to meet you” Raven and Octavia said, Lexa nodded. Clarke kept her mouth shut and kept staring at those green emerald eyes until Octavia nudged an elbow at her. “Uh nice to meet you Lexa.” Clarke said blushing, Lexa gave a small smile. “We should better get going to class or we’re late. We can catch up at lunch. Lexa you can sit with us if you want?” Raven said with a smile."Sure why not." Lexa gave a small smile and walked further next to Anya.  


  


It’s lunch time. Raven, Anya and Lexa already took off to the cafeteria. Octavia asked Clarke to go to her locker. “So what do you think about Lexa?” Octavia asked with a big smile plastered on her face. “She seems cool.” Clarke said. “Cool, seriously? You kept staring at her without saying a word and you say she seems cool” Octavia laughed while picking up her stuff from her locker. “I don’t know she’s not much of a talker but I understand that, new school, living with Anya. She just needs to loosen up a bit.” Clarke said. “You’re right.” Octavia said with a smile and winked at Clarke. “Come on or they are going to wonder where we are.” Clarke nodded and they went to the cafeteria.

  


As they were all sitting at the table the four friends talked about all the stupid things they did during the vacation. Lexa wasn’t much of a talker since she didn't know them so well so she just kept quiet and listened to the conversation. Raven asked Anya and Lexa if they were walking home with them.“Well we still have a lot of unpacking to do in our apartment.” Anya answered. “We could help if you want? Right guys?” Raven looked over at Clarke and Octavia with wide eyes raising an eyebrow. “I can’t, I’m sorry guys. We have a family dinner tonight and my mother wants me to be there.” Octavia said and rolled her eyes. “No problem, how about you Clarke?” Raven asked. “Yeah sure I would love to help.” “Thank you, Clarke” Anya said with a smile.

  


The lessons went by very quickly and the four took off to Anya’s apartment. The unpacking went by very quickly but there was still some work to do. Everyone was getting hungry so they decided to get some pizza. Raven asked everyone what they wanted and was about to leave when Anya yelled from the kitchen she was going with Raven. “Do you guys mind if I go along with Raven?” Lexa looked over at Clarke with a questioning look. “Sure I don’t mind if that’s okay with you, Clarke?” “Sure we can continue to unpack.” Raven looked at Clarke with a huge grin on her face and wiggled her eyebrows, Clarke just rolled her eyes at Raven and with that they left.

  


“So what did you think of our school so far?” Clarke asked not knowing what else to say. 

  


“It’s not bad.” Lexa answered. 

  


After unpacking the last box Clarke sat down on an armchair while Lexa sat on the couch. “It’s a nice apartment.” Clarke said while looking around. 

  


“Yeah it is.” 

  


“So why did you move in with Anya?” Clarke asked, immediately regretting it because Lexa looked away not wanting the blonde to see her while trying to hold back her tears. “You don’t need to tell me, I’m sorry.” Lexa looked up while looking into those blue ocean eyes. Clarke saw that Lexa had to try her best to keep her tears from falling, Clarke stood up and sat beside Lexa on the couch and gave the brunette a tight hug. Lexa didn’t know what it was but she had this strange feeling when the blonde hugged her. Clarke couldn’t make her mind out of it but there was something special about the brunette, Clarke pulled back and they were staring at each other for what seemed and felt like ages but it was just a few seconds.

  


They were interrupted by Raven yelling at the door. “Pizza delivery open up dorks!” Clarke regained herself jumping of the couch and opening the door. After they were done eating Clarke and Raven decided to go home. “Are you two walking with us to school tomorrow?” Raven asked with a smile. “Yeah sure, why not.” Anya answered. Raven gave Anya a kiss before she left and said goodbye to Lexa. Clarke also said goodbye and took off.   


  


It was 10pm and Clarke was lying in her bed, she couldn’t stop thinking about the beautiful brunette. There was something special about her but she could see that she is carrying a lot of pain with her. She really wants to get to know Lexa better.

  


Lexa was stirring in her bed, drowning in thoughts of the amazing blonde who made her heart beat faster every time she was nearby. Altough she only knows her for one day, she felt the urge to be with her.   


  


  


  


  


  


  


  



	2. Chapter 2

It was already Friday, while the five friends were walking home, they were making plans for the weekend. They decided to stay over Saturday at Anya and Lexa’s place.

 

“What are you guys doing tonight?” Clarke asked. “Me and Anya are going to the cinema tonight.” Raven said and Anya smiled at her girlfriend. “What will you do? I thought maybe you and Lexa can do something together?” Anya asked Clarke while Raven stood there with a grin on her face looking at Clarke. “I have to watch Aden tonight because my mom has a nightshift at the hospital.” “So Lex, do you mind being alone for tonight?” Anya asked with an apologetic face. Before Lexa could answer Clarke interrupted her. “If you want you can always stop by tonight we can watch a movie with Aden? He’s a sweet kid so you don’t have to worry about that.” “Sure I would love to.” Clarke smiled at her. “Now you don’t have to be alone.” Raven said and Anya nodded.

 

_Two hours later…_

 

“Hey Clarke thanks that you want to keep an eye on Aden tonight.” Niylah said. “No problem, Niylah.” “I really have to go to work now thanks again. Bye Aden!” “Goodbye.”

 

“Hey Aden. It’s been a while since I saw you little man. Do you want to watch a movie tonight?”

“Hey Clarke, I missed you a lot. Can I pick the movie?” Aden asked Clarke with pout on his face.

“Of course you can. Is it alright if one of my friends watches the movie with us?” Clarke said with a smile and Aden nodded and smiled back.

 

Half an hour later the doorbell rang and Clarke jumped off the couch and opened the door. “Hey Lexa come in.”

“Hey Clarke thanks.”

“Lexa this is Aden, Aden this is Lexa.”

“Hello Aden, nice to meet you. Can I get a high-five?” Aden smiled and gave Lexa a high-five.

“Are we going to watch a movie now?” Aden asked and smiled at Clarke.

“Sure little man, did you pick one yet?”

“Yep I want to watch Finding Nemo.” Aden said with a wide smile spread across his face.

“Good choice you made there.” Lexa answered.

“What’s your favorite animal?”

“I actually love squids.” Clarke laughed at Lexa her answer. “Really, Lexa those things are weird?” Clarke asked.

“Yes I think they are cool.” Lexa smiled. “What’s your favorite animal?” Lexa asked with a questioning look.

“I prefer snakes.”

“What and you think my favorite animal is weird?” now Lexa was laughing and Clarke too.

“Alright let’s watch that movie.” Clarke said still smiling.

 

_Two hours later…_

 

“Alright, Aden it’s time for you to go to bed.” Clarke announced.

“Okay Clarkey, goodnight” He said to Clarke and Lexa.

“Goodnight Aden.” They both said in unison.

 

“We can watch something on Netflix if you want?” Clarke asked hoping Lexa would say yes. “Yeah sure why not.” After a lot of scrolling through all the movies they decided to watch a horror movie.  Clarke is not a big fan of horror movies so she moved closer right next to Lexa. “Not a fan of horror movies I see?” Lexa asked with a grin on her face. “Nope I get scared easily, that’s why I’m sitting close to you.” Clarke said while Lexa was laughing, Lexa saw that she was serious and said “Don’t worry, it’s not real. I will protect you.” Clarke rested her head against Lexa’s shoulder. They never moved away from each other during the movie, there were a few times when Clarke was terrified and screamed so Lexa put her arm around Clarke. When Lexa had her arm around Clarke, she felt safer than ever. It’s been a while that Lexa felt so comfortable with somebody since _she_ died.

 

It was getting pretty late, Clarke asked “Do you want to stay over? It’s midnight and dark outside. You can sleep in my bed, I’ll take the couch.” “Okay I’m just going to text Anya that I’m staying here and I’ll take the couch.” She smiled at Clarke. Clarke stood up, went upstairs. A few minutes later she was back and gave Lexa a blanket, pillow, a black shirt and grey jogging pants. “Thanks, goodnight Clarke.” “Goodnight Lexa, if you need anything please help yourself.”

 

Clarke laid in her bed but couldn’t sleep, so she decided to go downstairs and grab a glass of water. She went very carefully downstairs not wanting to wake Aden or Lexa. Clarke drank from her water. “Hey Clarke.” “Aaagh, omg I thought you were asleep.” Clarke said she didn’t hear Lexa coming behind her. “Nope not yet, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” “It’s okay, I told you I get scared easily.” Clarke smiled at Lexa and Lexa smiled back. “I’m never going to watch a horror movie again, now I can’t even sleep properly.” “It‘s just a movie, Clarke. It’s not real, although I believe that ghosts do exist.” Clarke’s eyes widened at those last words Lexa said. “I think I’ve heard enough for today.” Lexa giggled. “Well I’m gonna try to get some sleep. Goodnight, Clarke.” “Goodnight, Lexa.”

 

It was now 1pm and Clarke was still awake and suddenly she heard a weird noise from outside but she was too scared to watch, so she went downstairs again. “Hey, Lexa you still awake?” Clarke whispered. “Hmmm now I am why?” Lexa mumbled. “I heard a weird noise outside. Have you heard anything?” “No, Clarke.” Lexa stood up from the couch and took a few steps closer to Clarke. “You okay? Go and try to sleep, you’re safe Clarke don’t worry.” Lexa said slightly worried when she saw that the girl didn’t move. Clarke finally said something. “Will you lay down with me? Please?” Clarke begged. “Okay let’s go.” Lexa said with a soft voice.

 

Lexa remained at a certain distance not wanting to cross any boundaries. “Is it okay if I lay closer to you?” Clarke asked. “Of course. Are you okay?” Clarke inched closer to Lexa and Lexa put her arm around Clarke’s waist and Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s neck. Lexa kept whispering the same words to Clarke “You’re safe, Clarke. You’re okay.” Lexa placed a soft kiss on the girl’s forehead and kept repeating those words. Soon Clarke was asleep and Lexa allowed herself to fall asleep too.

 

Clarke was the first one to wake up, Lexa still had her arm around Clarke waist and Clarke just snuggled closer to Lexa and closed her eyes again. Lexa began to wake up slowly, she tried to go out of bed without waking Clarke but Clarke tightened her grip around the brunette. Clarke opened her eyes again and blue met green, they smiled at each other for a few minutes, Clarke broke the silence and said “Goodmorning.” “Goodmorning, Clarke. Do you feel any better?” “Yes, I’m sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night.” Clarke said feeling a bit guilty for waking Lexa up. “Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about, don’t worry.” Lexa reassured her. “Come on let’s go make breakfast.” They both got up and went to the kitchen, they ate breakfast while telling each other some stupid jokes and as soon as they were finished Aden came downstairs and said his goodmornings while he ate his cereal.

 

When they were dressed, Lexa asked Clarke if she still wanted to come tonight. “Of course I’m going, Raven would kill me if I cancelled.” They both laughed. “Well then I will see you tonight.” “Bye Lexa.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! But here is chapter 3! enjoy! ;-)

Clarke was ready to go to Lexa and Anya. Now she just had to wait for Raven and Octavia to pick her up. She plopped down on the couch, she sat down for five seconds when she heard Octavia banging on her door. She opened the doorbut before she could say anything Octavia interrupted her. "Hey, Clarke. You ready to go?" "Yup, let's go." Clarke replied. Raven opened her window and began yelling at the two "You can chat later, now get your butt's in the car, you assholes!" "Ow shut up, Raven. We were just leaving!" Octavia yelled back while Clarke was laughing. When they were all settled in the car, Raven started the engineand took off full speed.

 

After a few minutes of silence Octavia spoke up "So how was your date with Anya, Rae?" Raven smiled and said "It was great, the movie waas good and after that we went home and had lots of s-" Clarke interrupted her "Stop there Raven, keep the details for yourself please." "Oh come on, this is the fun part!" Raven wiggled her eyebrowsand was grinning like an idiot. "No!" Octavia and Clarke yelled in unison. Raven sighed "Fine, you guys are no fun." About ten minutes later they arrived at their destination.

 

Anya opened the door and greeted them all. Octavia and Raven plopped down on the couch immediately. Anya joined them and sat next to Raven who threw her legs over Anya's lap. Clarke took the armchair next to the couch. "Making yourself at home I see?" Anya said smirking at Raven. "Get used to it." Raven said while wiggling her eyebrows. Anya laughed at Raven.

 

Everyone was there except a certain brunette so now Clarke spoke up "Where is Lexa?" "Don't worry blondie, she will be here in 30 minutes, her boxing training is just finished." "Lexa does boxing?" Octavia asked clearly suprised just like Clarke and Raven who were now looking at Anya not believing what she just said. "Yes, she can kick anyone's ass so don't mess with her, she doesn't get called 'The Commander' for nothing." Anya said with a smirk. "Why that name though?" Raven asked curious. "She has never lost a gamesince she started boxing but in two weeks she has to fight against Cage Wallace he-" Raven interrupted her before she could finish her sentence. "Wait, did you just say Cage Wallace? He crushed his last opponent. I mean I've never seen Lexa fight but fighting against Cage Wallace? Is she out of her mind!" Raven almost yelled that last part. "Is she really going to fight him?" Clarke asked. "Yes, I tried to talk her out of it, but she won't listen. She's stubborn." "Just like you." Raven remarked with a shit eating grin on her face. "Shut up." Anya shoved Raven off the couch and laughed while Raven pouted.

 

Ten minutes later Lexa walked through the door in her grey sweatpants, black shirt and Timberlands, her hair hanging loose over her left shoulder. 'She looks hot.' Clarke thought. She said hello to everybody in the room and excused herself to put her bag away.

 

When Lexa came walking in the room, Raven was the first one to speak. "Are you really going to fight against Cage?" Lexa glared at her cousin before answering Raven's question and Anya gave her an apologetic look. "Yes, I am." Octavia and Clarke just sat there with their mouthswide agape. "That's pretty badass if you ask me." Octavia said impressed. "But did you see his last fight?" Raven asked. "Yes, I'm fighting against him. Stop trying to talk me out of it, I'm not changing my mind." "Let's watch a movie, does anyone has a suggestion?" Clarke asked changing the subject and Lexa was grateful for what the blonde did. After they picked 2 movies, Octavia took one side of the couch, while Raven and Anya snuggled up on the other side of the couch. Lexa was sitting on the ground. Clarke asked if she wanted to sit in the chair but she refused so Clarke decided to sit on the ground with Lexa.

 

After the third movie Octavia was already fast asleep on the couch. Raven and Anya said their goodnights and went to Anya's room. Clarke was half asleep, she was laying with her head against Lexa's shoulder. Lexa carefully shook Clarke awake, she didn't open her eyes but hummed in response. "Come on, Clarke. Let's get to bed so you can sleep." When the blonde didn't make an effort to move, Lexa stood up and picked her up. Clarke was clinging to her like a koala, her arms were around Lexa's neck and her legs around her waist. Lexa lays her carefully on the bed and was about to go but Clarke stopped her and mumbled "Stay with me, Lex." Lexa climbed in on the other side of the bed. Clarke turneed around in her sleeping state so she was facing Lexa. There was a silence for a few minutes and Clarke thought she was asleep but tried anyway "Lexa?" "Yes, Clarke?" She answered with her eyes closed. "Can I... Never mind." But Lexa understood what she was trying to ask and she opened her arms. Clarke nuzzled her face in the crook of Lexa's neck and Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke. "Goodnight, Clarke." "Goodnight, Lexa." Clarke fell asleep in no time and Lexa smiled at the sleeping blonde in her arms and fell asleep with that smile still on her face.

 

Lexa woke up first and Clarke was still fast asleep and she was snoring a little. Lexa untangled herself from Clarke and went to the kitchen to make breakfast for everybody. When she entered the living room she saw that Octavia was no longer laying on the couch but on the floor drooling over the carpet and one arm still hanging on the couch.

 

A few minutes later Anya came out of her room and helped Lexa. Octavia woke up by the smell of food and was in no time in the kitchen. Now Lexa and Anya had to wake up the other sleeping beauties.

 

Anya walked to her room and when she was about to open the door, Raven opened it and said "I smell food." Anya laughed at Raven's silliness.

 

The blonde was still sleeping with her face pressed into the cushions. Lexa silently made her way over and climbed in the bed next to Clarke. She poked Clarke in the arm but she got no answer. "Clarke, wake up... Clarke..." The blonde mumbled something like "Five more minutes, mom." Lexa chuckled at the blonde her words. "Clarke, come on. Breakfast is ready." With that her eyes shot open. Lexa laughed and stood up. She held out her hand and Clarke took it. She led them towards the kitchen, exchanged their good mornings and everyone began eating.

 

After breakfast they talked a little, they only had one week of school anymore and it was fall holiday and that week Lexa had her boxing match against Cage. They asked Lexa if they could come and watch her match and she agreed. Then they all went to their respective homes.

 

Clarke came home but nobody was there. Her mom didn't had to work today and her dad should be home from his business trip. "Mom... Dad?" Nobody answered so she decided to call her mom. Abby almost picked up immediatley. "Mom where are you? Isn't dad supposed to be home?"

"Clarke, dad is with me but maybe you should take a seat."

"Mom, what happend tell me! Is dad ok?!" Clarke was becoming anxious on the phone.

"Clarke, your dad wasn't feeling so well, so I took him to the hospital maybe you should come over and we will explain."

"I'm on my way."

 

She was trying not to panick but her mom's voice was shaking and she knew something was wrong.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a sad chapter with a caring Lexa.

Clarke arrived at the hospital and when she entered the ER, she saw her mom. “Where is dad? Is he ok?” “Follow me, Clarke. We need to explain something to you.”

 

“Hey, kiddo” Jake greeted her but he looked pale and weak. Clarke knew at that point that something wasn’t right. “What’s wrong dad?” Clarke asked getting to the point immediately. “Sit down, Clarke please. I didn’t go on a business trip, Clarke. I went to a hospital and found out I have Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. I didn’t want to tell you at first because I didn’t want you to worry.” Clarke was at the edge of tears and asked with a shaking voice “Mom knew?” “Yes, honey, I knew.” Abby said. “And you didn’t say anything to me? You lied to me? How could you keep this away from me?!” Tears were streaming down her face now. “We’re sorry honey.” Abby hugged Clarke. “Clarke, this is probably the last thing you want to hear but… There is no easy way to say this but I won’t live long anymore.” Clarke went over to her dad and hugged him. She was sobbing on his shoulder now. “How long do you have?” she managed to ask between a few sobs. “It can be anytime, Clarke, I really don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. But remember I will always love you Clarke even if I’m not here anymore.” “I love you too, dad.” After an hour Abby said “Go home, honey, get some rest I will stay here for the night.” “Ok, can I come back tomorrow?” Clarke asked with a hoarse voice from all the crying. “Of course you can, sweetie.” She gave her mom a hug and kissed her dad on the forehead. “Be careful, Clarke.” “I will.”

 

Clarke was at home, crying on the couch. Suddenly she heard her ringtone, looked at her screen and it read ‘Lexa’ she didn’t pick up the phone because she didn’t want Lexa to hear her like this. Her phone buzzed telling her she got a text.

 **Lexa (20:36):** Hey, Clarke. Haven’t heard from you yet, are you ok?

 **Clarke (20:37):** Hey, Yeah I’m fine.

 **Lexa (20:39):** Doesn’t sound convincing to me, Clarke what’s wrong?

Clarke decided to ask if she could come over and tell her, something drew her to Lexa. She wanted Lexa to be with her, Clarke just felt safe when Lexa was by her side and she didn’t want to be alone tonight because her mom would stay in the hospital.

 **Clarke (20:41):** Can you please come over? I want to tell you and I don’t want to be alone for tonight.

 **Lexa (20:42):** Of course, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.

 

_Exact 15 minutes later Clarke heard the doorbell ring and went to answer it._

Clarke opened the door with red, puffy eyes. Lexa immediately engulfed her in a hug. Lexa closed the door behind her and Clarke buried her head in Lexa’s neck and started sobbing again. “Sshhh, I’m here Clarke.” Lexa led them to the couch with the blonde still in her arms. Clarke was sitting on Lexa’s lap. After a few minutes the blonde calmed down a little and started to talk. “It’s my dad, he has hypertrophic myocardiopathy and is dying.” Clarke managed to say between a sob. Lexa pulled the blonde closer to her. “I’m sorry, Clarke.” Clarke buried her face once again in Lexa’s neck. Lexa rocked them gently and when the crying stopped, she asked where her bedroom was because she looked really tired. Lexa stood up with the blonde still clinging to her and went upstairs. She tucked Clarke in, she was about to leave but a hand around her wrist stopped her. “Stay, please.” The blonde asked with a small voice. Lexa climbed in bed next to the blonde, Clarke immediately shuffled closer to the brunette. Lexa took Clarke in her arms and the blonde laid her head on her chest. “Sleep well, Clarke.” Lexa kissed her forehead. Clarke smiled at Lexa’s action. “Goodnight, Lexa.”

 

Lexa woke up at 2am because Clarke was stirring next to her, tears were streaming down her face and she was sweating. Lexa assumed that the girl has a nightmare. She had them too, after _she_ died. She still has them but not so often anymore. She decided to wake her up. “Clarke, wake up.” After a few tries Clarke shot up, panting, tears still streaming down her face. Lexa sat next to Clarke and wiped her tears away “It’s okay, Clarke. I’m here.” Clarke hugged Lexa, Lexa laid them down again and Clarke was back to sleep in no time.

 

Clarke woke up breathing lightly in Lexa’s neck and with two strong arms wrapped around her. She didn’t want to move but she heard her phone buzzing. She crawled out of bed trying not to wake Lexa up but she started stirring and woke up too. Clarke went to her phone, her mom was calling so she picked up immediately.

“Clarke, you have to come back to the hospital, Jake just had a heart attack.” Abby cried.

“I’m on my way.” Clarke felt tears sting but she tried to hold them in.

“Okay, be careful Clarke.”

“I will.”

 

“I have to go back to the hospital, my dad just had a heart attack. Will you come with me please?” Clarke looked at Lexa with glossy eyes. “Of course let’s go, I’ll drive.”


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke grabbed her car keys and gave them to Lexa. Clarke jumped in the passenger seat and Lexa drove as fast as she could. Clarke was fidgeting with her hands for the whole car ride but they arrived rather quickly the hospital. Lexa parked the car and waited for Clarke to get out but she didn’t move. Lexa got out and opened the passenger’s door, Lexa held out her hand and Clarke took it and laced their fingers together.

 

They entered the hospital, went to the front desk and they asked where Jake Griffin was. The nurse behind the desk said that he’s in room 314. The stood in the elevator and as soon as the doors opened they got out and searched for his room. When they entered the room they saw Abby sitting in a chair but Jake was nowhere to be seen. Abby stood up and engulfed Clarke in a hug, after they parted Clarke introduced Lexa. “Mom, this is Lexa she’s my friend and she also stayed with me and drove us here, I didn’t want to be alone.” “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Griffin.” Lexa held out her hand for Abby to shake but Abby hugged her instead. “Thank you, for being there for her.” Abby whispered in Lexa’s ear before releasing her. “Mom, where is dad?” Clarke asked. Abby sighed and tried her best to hold her tears at bay. “He had a heart attack and they are doing the best they can.” “What do we do now?” Clarke asked barely audible. “We wait for some news, that’s all we can do.”

 

They all sat down waiting for some news and suddenly Lexa’s phone buzzed, Anya was calling and she went outside to pick up. After Lexa was gone, Dr. Jaha, Abby’s colleague and a friend of Jake, stood at the door and Abby and Clarke jumped out of their chairs waiting for him to say something. Abby went closer to Dr. Jaha. “I’m sorry… We did everything we could but he didn’t make it. I’m so sorry Abby.” Abby stood frozen for a moment until Jaha spoke again. “I need you to sign the papers when you are ready, Abby.” “Okay, I’ll be right there.” With that Jaha walked away to give Abby and Clarke some privacy. Abby turned around and went over to Clarke who also stood there staring at the door with glossy, watery eyes. Abby hugged Clarke. They were both crying now, they stood there for a few more minutes and Abby broke the silence, “I need to go and sign the papers, sweetie. Let Lexa take you home and I will be there when everything is done.” Abby walked out and ran into Lexa, Lexa looked at Abby and saw immediately that the news wasn’t good. “Lexa, could you take Clarke home please and stay until I’m back?” “Of course, Mrs. Griffin.” “Thank you, Lexa.”

 

Lexa walked into the room where Clarke still was, what Lexa saw broke her heart. Clarke sat back in a chair her hands covered her face, she was crying and her body was trembling. Lexa bent down before Clarke and took her hands in hers. Clarke looked at Lexa and broke out into another sob. Lexa pulled Clarke in a hug, Clarke was crying on Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa rocked them back and forth and whispered “Shhh. It’s gonna be ok, Clarke.” After a few minutes Lexa broke the silence again “Come on, let’s get you home alright?” Clarke nodded.

They both stood up and started walking towards the elevators, Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers and Lexa gave it a reassuring squeeze. The car ride was in silence, Clarke just stared out the window but never letting go of Lexa’s hand. Lexa parked the car on the driveway in front of Clarke’s house. They got out of the car and Clarke led them inside.

 

Lexa called Anya very quick to let her know that she will be home late and then she went over to Clarke who was on the couch tears still streaming down her face. Lexa sat down next to Clarke and pulled her closer to her. Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s neck and she let everything out now, Lexa rocked them back and forth again just like she did before. “It’s not fair, Lexa.” Clarke managed to say between a sob. “I know, Clarke. I know…” Soon Clarke’s eyes were closed and her breathing slowed down. She was fast asleep and still clutching firmly to Lexa. Lexa felt her eyelids grow heavy and fell asleep to.

 

Abby came home 30 minutes later and she saw Lexa and Clarke lying on the couch. A small smile played on her lips because Lexa cared about her daughter. She let them sleep and went quietly to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

 

Dinner was ready and Abby decided to wake them up. They ate mostly in silence but Abby broke the silence after a few minutes. “So Lexa, you’re new here?” “Yes, Mrs. Griffin, I live with my cousin Anya.” Lexa answered. “Oh I know her, she’s Raven’s girlfriend.” Abby looked over at Clarke who hasn’t said anything yet and just stared at her food. Lexa saw Abby looking at Clarke with concerned eyes. They both missed him a lot. Clarke loved her dad more than anything, not that she didn’t love her mom but it was different. Clarke and Jake were like best friends, they knew each other better than anyone else.

 

After dinner Lexa stayed a little while but she needed to go home, she went to Clarke and gave her a hug “If you need anything, call me or text me alright. It’s gonna be ok, I’m here for you.” Clarke nodded her head and whispered “Thank you.” Lexa was about to go when she heard Abby calling her. “Lexa, can you come here for a second.” “Of course. Mrs. Griffin” “Oh please call me Abby, Lexa. Mrs. Griffin makes me feel old.” “Alright, Abby.” Lexa smiled at Abby. “I want to thank you for being there for Clarke, she really needs her friends now.” “No problem, Abby. If there’s something you know where to find me.” Abby smiled at the younger girl, she pulled Lexa in for a hug. Abby released Lexa and said “Alright, drive home safely, Lexa.” “I will. Goodnight, Abby.” “Goodnight Lexa.”

 

Lexa got home and Anya was already snoring on the couch with the TV still playing. She chuckled at her cousin, turned off the TV and went to bed thinking about Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me now what you think, you can always drop a comment :)  
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

The last week of school before the vacation has started. Everyone was there except for Clarke, Clarke told Octavia, Raven and Anya what happened the last few days. They all didn’t see that coming especially Raven and Octavia, they thought that Jake was healthy. After Clarke had told them everything it was quiet for a while but they managed to cheer each other up a little by bringing up their best and funniest moments with Jake or as everyone called him Papa G.

 

It was Friday before they knew it, the last day before their well deserved two weeks of vacation. Clarke had enough of staying indoors and the constant crying so she decided to go to school today and get some fresh air and of course she hoped to see her friends again but mostly one person in particular, the person she can’t stop thinking about, Lexa. Clarke can’t deny it anymore that she developed feelings for the girl, she could only hope that Lexa felt the same way. She arrived at school and saw Raven, Octavia, Anya but no Lexa. “Hey Clarke.” They all said in unison. “Hey guys.” “Finally the last day I’ve waited so long for this.” Raven sighed dramatically. “Exactly, but let’s go to class now or we’re late.” Anya said. Classes went by quickly, it was noon but still no sign of the brunette. They all sat at their table and Clarke decided to ask where Lexa was. “Hey Anya, where is Lexa?” “She’s training for her fight Wednesday against Cage.” Anya sighed clearly worried about Lexa. “Well, she needs a break right? She has been training almost for a week so how about a movie night?” Octavia said. They all agreed and Clarke said that they could watch a movie at her place because her mom had to work. The day ended quickly and everybody went home.

 

Anya was getting ready to go to Clarke’s house and she was waiting for Lexa to join her. Lexa just came home and agreed to go with her but first she went to take a shower. Lexa didn’t have to think twice to agree, she couldn’t wait to see the blonde again. She knows that she is attracted to the girl and really cares about her but she thinks she can’t love again not after losing Costia. But when she is around Clarke that thought disappears rather quickly, she feels comfortable and safe with her. Clarke is special. “Come on Lex or we’re going to be late.” Anya yelled. “Calm down, Anya I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 

On the way to Clarke’s home, Anya thought about Lexa and how she has been more smiling and comfortable since she had met Clarke. To Anya it was pretty obvious that Lexa probably had feelings for Clarke and she was happy for her cousin she deserved to be happy again. Lexa sighed “What’s on your mind Anya? I can see those wheels turning in your head.” Anya looked at her and asked her “Do you like Clarke? Like more than just a friend?” Lexa stayed quiet for a few seconds but Anya spoke up again “You deserve to be happy again Lex. Clarke is a great girl and even a blind person can see that you like her. And don’t say that you don’t deserve happiness again after what happened with Costia because you do, Lexa.” Lexa looked at Anya and gave her a smile “Thanks An.”

 

Clarke greeted them at the door, they were the first ones to arrive, Octavia and Raven were running late. “Which movie are we going to watch actually?” Anya asked. “I really have zero clue, Raven said she heard about a knew horror film ‘Friends Request’ or something like that. So probably we’re going to watch that movie. Not really my thing though those horror films.” Then the doorbell rang announcing Raven and Octavia’s arrival. “Speaking of the devils, there they are.” Anya said. Lexa and Clarke laughed and Clarke went to open the door.  

 

While Raven was setting up the film, the other four were discussing what they could do during their vacation. “Maybe we could go camping?” Octavia proposed. “No.” Clarke replied. “What about a ski trip?” Anya asked. “Nope, not gonna happen I’d break my legs.” Raven said from where she was sitting on the ground next to the TV. “We can always go to the beach for a few days and maybe overnight on the beach, I know a place where not a lot of people come. It’s about three hours away from here.” Lexa joined in on the conversation. “That’s… actually a good idea.” Octavia said. Raven, Clarke and Anya agreed with her idea. They decided to go two days after Lexa’s fight. Raven jumped up from the ground and said “Okay bitches the movie is all set up let’s watch it, I heard it’s a creepy movie so brace yourself, especially you Clarkey Boo.” Clarke glared at Raven while Octavia tried to hold back her chuckle but failed miserably. They all got settled and watched the movie. During the movie Clarke had crawled closer to Lexa and Lexa had put her arm around Clarke’s waist and pulled her closer. When the movie ended they talked a little more and after that they would go home. Octavia and Raven were almost leaving but Raven asked her girlfriend if she would go with her. “Hey Lex? Is it okay if I stay with Raven tonight?” “Yeah, sure. I’ll be fine.” Just then Clarke got a message from her mom saying that she would not come home for the night because it was a busy night at the hospital and one of her colleagues called in sick. Anya, Raven and Octavia said their goodbyes and left.

 

 Clarke went outside for a moment and took a seat on the bench in the garden, Lexa followed her and sat next to her. It wasn’t really cold. “So, I guess I should get going to.” Lexa said. “Actually, I was wondering if you would like to stay because my mom just sent me a message that she isn’t coming home for tonight and I don’t like being alone now. You don’t have to of course but I-“ Clarke was rambling and Lexa interrupted her. “It’s okay, Clarke. I will stay with you, I won’t leave you.” Lexa gave her a reassuring smile. Clarke looked at her and her eyes glistened in the moonlight and now Lexa really saw how blue her eyes were, she could drown in them. They looked in each other eyes and it was like they were the only ones on earth just them and no one else. They both started leaning in their faces barely an inch apart, their eyes drifted down to their lips and back. Clarke closed the gap and pressed their lips together. Both their lips moved in sync. Lexa changed the angle and bumped her nose with Clarke’s, the kiss was gentle, caring and loving. When they broke apart their eyes locked again and they both smiled, Lexa entwined her hand with Clarke’s, no words were spoken until Lexa saw that Clarke was shivering. “Come on, let’s go inside and get some sleep it’s getting late.” Clarke nodded and they went inside their hands never releasing each other. Clarke led them upstairs and got in bed, Lexa following right after. Lexa is turned on her side facing Clarke. Lexa opened her arms for Clarke, Clarke buried her face in the brunette’s shirt and whispered “Thank you for staying.” Lexa puts her arm around Clarke’s waist and pulls her closer to her, placing a kiss on the blonde’s forehead. Clarke smiled and whispered “Goodnight, Lexa.” “Goodnight, Clarke” They both fall asleep wrapped up in each other, thinking about one another.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait. I'll try to update more often! I hope I can post chapter 8 soon.

Lexa was the first one to wake up, she could feel Clarke’s soft breathing in her neck. She stayed quiet cause she didn’t want to wake the girl up. After a while Clarke began to wake up and when she opened her eyes she looked right into green ones. She smiled at the brunette and said with her raspy voice “Good morning, Lex.” Lexa smiled and said “Good morning, sleepyhead. Are you hungry?” As soon as those last words left Lexa’s mouth, there were sounds coming from Clarke’s stomach. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Lexa laughed. “Come on, I’ll make us some breakfast.” Lexa got out of the bed and held out her hand for Clarke, Clarke grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers. They didn’t let go all the way to the kitchen. Clarke sat down on a chair while Lexa made them some pancakes.

 

Lexa was deep in thoughts while eating her pancakes, she hasn’t felt like this since Costia. _No Lexa you can’t do this, not again. Everyone you love leaves you. If I don’t let anyone in, I can’t get hurt. I don’t want to get hurt anymore._ She had a debate in her head and Clarke noticed that something was up and decided to start a conversation. “So, what are you going to do today?” Clarke asked Lexa but she was too deep in her thought and didn’t hear her question. Clarke waved her hand in front of Lexa’s face and asked her again. “I’m going to go practice for my fight in two days.” Lexa answered and didn’t even look up when she said it. “Lex, are you okay?” Lexa looked up and put on her mask with no emotions and said “Yes, I’m fine.”

 

They finished eating, cleaned up and after that Lexa had to go, she muttered a quick goodbye and left Clarke. Clarke had no idea what just happened neither did she know if she did something wrong or not. A few hours later Clarke got a text from Raven.

 **Raven (15:24)** : Hi, Clarkey. We’re meeting up at Anya’s to watch a movie or something you, are you up for it? Octavia is going to be there too.

 **Clarke (15:25)** : Sure, why not. Are you there already?

 **Raven (15:26)** : No not yet, I’m going to take a shower first and then I’ll be there. See you there.

 

Clarke arrived at Anya’s apartment and Raven and Octavia weren’t there yet. They sat down and talked. Anya saw that something was bothering Clarke and asked “What’s wrong Clarke?” Clarke looked up and said “I don’t know.” Anya raised her brow and said “Yeah you do. Has it something to do with Lexa?” “Yes.” Clarke responded. “What did she do?” “You can’t tell anyone okay?” Clarke asked with pleading eyes. “I promise.” Anya looked death serious. “After you guys left, we went outside talked a little and we kissed. This morning she looked like she was deep in thoughts and I asked her if everything was alright and she wouldn’t even look at me. After that we cleaned up and then she left. I don’t know if I did something wrong or not.” Clarke rambled and didn’t even notice that at some point a tear rolled down her cheek. Anya sat down next to her and said “Clarke you didn’t do anything wrong, she wants to protect herself but she also cares about you and I’m sure she likes you back. I’m glad she met you, Clarke. She has been opening up more than ever, since she met you. She’ll come by believe me.” Clarke nodded and thanked Anya. After that Raven and Octavia showed up, they watched a movie and discussed about Lexa’s upcoming fight against Cage. They would all go and support her. It was starting to get dark and everyone left.

 

 _30 minutes later_ …

Lexa arrived and thought Anya was already asleep but then she heard Anya calling her name “Lexa, can you come over here we need to talk.” Lexa put her bag down and went to the couch, Anya sounded really serious, so it must be important. “What’s wrong?” Lexa asked. “Care to explain why Clarke was crying a few hours ago?” Anya raised her brow and looked at Lexa. “Well? I’m waiting. Why are you suddenly so distant to her, Lex? What happened?” Lexa looked down at her hands in her lap and avoided Anya’s gaze. “Last night we kissed.” Lexa whispered. “That’s not something bad right.” “You don’t get it Anya, everyone I love leaves me and it hurts. You also know what happened to Costia. Clarke deserves someone better than me.” Lexa her voice raised a little. Anya sighed and sat down next to Lexa. “Look Lex, Clarke really likes you and I know you like her too, don’t even try to deny it. I know what happened to Costia but it wasn’t your fault, so stop blaming yourself. You deserve happiness more than anyone even after Costia and Clarke is an amazing girl she would never hurt you on purpose. She makes you happy Lex. It doesn’t hurt to try right?” Lexa smiled and said “She really is amazing. Thanks Anya, I really needed this.” They hugged and went to sleep.

 

The next day Lexa went to practice and was getting really nervous but that didn’t stop her, she was going to fight Cage. She hasn’t talked to Clarke yet but she was going to make things right with her. Anya her speech really helped.

 

Today was the day. Lexa’s fight against Cage. She has been training all week and all the days before that and now the moment finally arrived. Anya still wasn’t too happy about it that her cousin would fight Cage. Anya, Raven, Octavia and Clarke sat down on their seats and they all were really nervous. Suddenly they heard the announcer “Welcome everybody to the fight we have all been waiting for. On my left side we have Cage Wallace and on my right The Commander. Let us no longer wait and start.”

 

The fight started and Lexa put on her emotionless face at first Cage looked a little frightened but replaced it quickly. Lexa stayed calm and didn’t attack immediately, she waited for Cage to make his move. Cage was getting impatient and suddenly he charged forward but Lexa blocked it easily. Cage attempted a few hits but none of them ever reached their target. Cage already lost a lot of energy and Lexa took advantage of that and hit him square in the face. Cage stumbled backwards and Lexa hit him again. Cage was getting very angry now and Lexa didn’t expect his next move, he tackled her and now she was flat on her back. Everybody in the crowd held their breath especially Anya, Raven, Octavia and Clarke. Cage wanted to punch her but she rolled over just in time. Lexa was still a little unstable and Cage hit her right in the stomach, that would definitely leave a bruise and he hit her again in her face this time, she stumbled backwards and her nose was bleeding and her stomach started to hurt from his previous punch she grimaced a little from the pain. She quickly scanned the crowd and her green eyes met with blue concerned ones. Those bright blue eyes gave her strength again and she surged forward hitting Cage over and over again until he was unconscious on the ground. The announcer started to count down and it was over, she had won. She beat Cage. The crowd started to cheer her name over and over again. She looked at her friends and her eyes landed on Clarke’s again and she gave Clarke a smile. Clarke smiled back but the concern didn’t leave her eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait again! I feel terrible for waiting so long to update but I'm very busy with school and I hope you guys understand that. But anyways enjoy this new chapter! ;) #Clexaforever

Lexa went back to the dressing room after her victory, she showered and got dressed. Suddenly Clarke stormed into the dressing room while Lexa was putting on her shirt, she ignored the pain all over her body, but her face gave her away. She turned around and saw Clarke standing there “Do you have any idea how worried I was?” “I’m sorry, Clarke but I’m okay, I promise.” Clarke raised her eyebrows and pointed at her nose that was still bleeding a little. “Come with me Lexa, my mom isn’t home, but I can help you take care of your bruises.” Lexa sighed and looked down “Why would you want to help me Clarke, I’ve been an awful person to you.” Clarke stepped closer and made Lexa look at her “Whether you want it or not Lexa, but I care for you a lot.” Lexa had tears in her eyes and hugged the blonde girl. “Thank you, Clarke. I’m really sorry.” Clarke smiled, hugged her back and held out her hand for the brunette to take which she did of course, and they went home but Clarke also noticed the grimace on Lexa’s face from al her bruises. She decided not to ask if she was okay because the brunette is stubborn, and she knew her answer would be ‘yes, I’m fine.’ While she is not.

 

Lexa texted Anya that she was going to stay with Clarke tonight. It was getting really cold, but they were almost there, and Lexa began to struggle a little with walking but didn’t show it. Clarke opened the door and laid some blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace, Lexa laid down on them while Clarke lit the fire. Lexa closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth. Clarke went to retrieve her medial kit and sat down next to Lexa. “Lex, can you sit up please so I can check on your bruises?” Lexa did as told, and grunted a little while trying to sit up, she pulled up her shirt to reveal the giant bruise on her stomach and one on the left side of her ribs. Clarke took out some ointment and put it on the bruises. Lexa put down her shirt again. “How is your nose?” Clarke asked. “It stopped bleeding and it doesn’t hurt anymore.” Clarke nodded because her nose looked fine. Clarke put her medial kit aside and looked at Lexa again who was already staring at Clarke.

 

They both started leaning in and their lips met in a gentle kiss. They broke apart and kept looking into each other’s eyes and Lexa broke the peaceful silence “I’m sorry for being so distant to you Clarke that was a stupid thing to do.” “It’s okay, I understand Lexa.” Lexa shook her head “No you don’t Clarke, but I want to tell you.” Clarke nodded, and Lexa laid down again with Clarke on her right side facing her. “I avoided you, because everyone I love and care about leaves or gets hurt, I didn’t want that to happen to you. I had a girlfriend, her name was Costia. We were in a relationship for almost 3 years, one day we got into an argument she walked away mad and 30 minutes later I got a call that she had an accident. She was hit by a car while crossing the street, when the paramedics arrived, they took her straight to the hospital. She had a traumatic brain injury and several hours later she died. I didn’t talk to anyone anymore except for my parents and Anya” Lexa was trying hard to hold back her tears, but Clarke encouraged her to go on. “Then a few months later my parents had to go on a business trip, when they were driving home another car drove trough the red light and t-boned their car. They were both dead on arrival.” Clarke wiped away the few tears that were rolling down Lexa’s cheeks and kissed her on the forehead. “Thank you for sharing that with me. You’re the most bravest and strongest person I’ve ever met, you didn’t deserve what happened to you but please don’t push me away. I care for you a lot and I’ll never give up on you no matter what happens.” Lexa was crying and pulled Clarke down with her and hugged the blonde with all she had. “Please don’t leave me, Clarke.” Lexa whispered. Clarke backed away a little to look in Lexa’s eyes “I will never leave you, Lex. I promise.” They shared a kiss that explained the feelings they had for each other. They laid there a little bit longer and then decided to go to sleep, they went upstairs and climbed in next to each other. Lexa kissed the blonde’s forehead and Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s neck making sure that there wasn’t any space left between them and they fell asleep peacefully.

 

Lexa woke up and Clarke was still sleeping, she gave the blonde a kiss on her forehead and silently climbed out of the bed without waking her up. She headed downstairs and made some breakfast. When it was ready she went upstairs to wake Clarke up. She entered the room and was not prepared for what she saw, Clarke laid flat on her stomach, with her arms and legs sprawled out like a starfish. Lexa let out a small chuckle at the sight and kneeled next to the bed, she shook the blonde gently. “Clarke, wake up.” Clarke opened her eyes and smiled at Lexa. “Good morning, sleepyhead.” Lexa said. “Good morning, Lexa.” “I made us some breakfast and I hope you like scrambled eggs?” Clarke her smile couldn’t get any bigger “I love scrambled eggs, thank you.” She quickly kissed Lexa’s cheek, took her hand and leaded them downstairs. While eating Lexa’s thoughts wandered back to what Anya had said. Clarke noticed that Lexa was in deep thoughts and decided to break the silence. “Are you okay, Lex?” Lexa looked up like a deer caught in headlights and decided to just go for it “Would you like to go on a date with me?” she blurted out. Lexa started to fidget with her shirt when she didn’t get an answer immediately. Clarke stood up and walked over to Lexa, she took her hands and made Lexa look her in the eyes. “I would love to go on a date with you, Lex.” Lexa breathed out a sigh of relief. “So how about this Saturday? I could pick you up around 7 if that’s okay?” “That’s perfect, Lex. I’m looking forward to it.” They cleaned up after delicious breakfast, they went to change in something casual for the day and watched some TV, but first Clarke insisted on taking a look at Lexa’s wound. After that they went downstairs and got settled on the couch with Clarke snuggled up into Lexa’s side and Lexa’s arm draped over Clarke.

 

 After a few episodes of Friends, Lexa had to go home, Clarke walked her to the door. They both stood there looking into each other’s eyes, so Clarke took the lead and started leaning in, Lexa’s plump lips met her halfway in a gentle kiss. After the kiss they rested their foreheads together for a few minutes both with smiles on their faces. “So, I’ll see you Saturday then?” Clarke said. “Yes, I’ll text you. I promise.” Clarke nodded. “Bye Lex.” Lexa pecked Clarke lips again said goodbye and took off towards her cousin’s apartment with a smile on her face and in her head, she was already planning the perfect date.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys please tell me what you think of it. You can always leave some tips or ideas to improve the story :) I apologize for grammar mistakes but English isn't my first language, so if I don't make any sense to you feel free to correct me ;-) Thanks for reading!


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